Ask Adrienne Greene: I want to be with someone – News and sports in the Whitewater Valley

A theological column by Adrienne Greene

Dear Pastor,

God said it is not good to be alone. Do this means I don’t have to marry but I can still be with someone?

Your question is a good one. I relate to it because I’ve been single almost all of my adult life. There are times the loneliness is unbearable. In answer to your question, which sounds like it might be about a man and woman moving in together (while skipping the wedding vows)…the Bible says “no.” Choosing a short-cut to gratification instead of a commitment to God’s covenant of marriage is not what he intends for his children.

Christ followers are given all the tools, resources and abilities to live well, no matter what hand we’re dealt. Not just a good life, by the way, an abundant life. Jesus explained this to his disciples and to us in John 10:10. Even though we seek an end to our loneliness and deeply desire a partner or companion for our lives, we must remember that our God is able to meet every need himself until a destiny in marriage unfolds. Our job is to believe that God wants to do this and trust him that he will. Indeed, it is a mighty test of the human will to deny what you want and to wait for God’s best instead. Your tenacity to choose God over your perceived-need will determine who is running your life. It will also determine your level of faith and spiritual promotion. God is looking to see what you’re made of: seeking him first (Matthew 6:33) or putting him second, after yourself. God-seekers will be promoted in the Kingdom.

As a pastor, I’ve watched people of all ages make terrible relationship decisions which go against the Bible’s plan for marriage. They choose to live together, “shack up” and/or stay in worthless relationships that don’t honor God at all…simply because they believe the Bible justifies their response to loneliness. “After all,” they say, “it is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18.) This method of applying partial scriptures to life in a convenient, agenda-driven way is in fact a misuse of God’s grace and a distortion of the Bible’s intent.

When we justify sin we are missing God. We miss what he’s saying; we miss what he’s asking us to do; and we may even miss our destiny in the process. An example of this would be a woman who lives, unmarried, with a man for many years. He doesn’t marry her because he doesn’t see the need to (in his unsanctified mind.) After all, his desires are met. Yet because they are not legally married, this woman will not receive the legal benefits the law provides for a spouse. Further, in the eyes of a holy God, the relationship cannot be blessed because it makes a mockery of marriage. It is the very counterfeit. This woman lives without honor, perhaps even shame. She accepts all these terms because she doesn’t want to be lonely. Years go by, and now as an older woman, she forfeits the bearing of her children as she waited for the man to marry her and desire a family. The woman missed God’s best plan while also missing her destiny—all because she believed the lie that shacking up was no different than a marriage; that giving up her life for the sake of a selfish man was her role in the earth. God had a plan for her which never unfolded.

When we live our lives in response to our needs instead of in response to what God has said in his Word, we quickly discover dissatisfaction. Only our relationship with God will remove our aching need. We must say, “Do I trust God?” “Do I trust him enough to bring me a mate?” “Am I willing to wait for God’s timing?” Truly, this waiting is difficult but rewarding work—I know because I’ve lived this way for decades.

We say, “Even God agrees I should be with someone by now!” But the Holy Spirit adds, “As you passionately seek his kingdom above all else, he will supply your needs. So don’t ever be afraid, dearest friends! Your loving Father joyously gives you his kingdom with all its promises!” (2 Luke 12:31, 32.)

Do you have a question or comment for Pastor Adrienne? Send your inquiries to: info@adriennewgreene.com or write to P.O. Box 214, Harrison, OH 45030. For more information and resources, please visit www.askpastoradrienne.com or the “Ask Pastor Adrienne” YouTube channel for sermons and insights.